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Tall Tales with Jack


Posted by bob on Mar 4, 2012in Tall Tales With Jack


Have you ever had your teeth cleaned? What an experience. I had mine done for the first and hopefully last time yesterday.


First “The Big Guy” enticed me into the rig he had assembled, (the RV pulling the car hauler with the God awful Nissan photo truck on it) and off we went. So why wouldn’t I think we were off on another one of our adventures?


I knew we were in trouble when the clap of thunder and the bolt of lightning or is it the other way around, smacked the pavement in front of us opening a hole in the street that we promptly drove into. And that was in the neighborhood before we hit the main drag. Everything inside the RV went sailing. For a minute I thought we were inside another tornado. I ducked and headed for the safest place I know under the passenger’s seat up front. When the rig stopped rockin’ and rollin’ I returned to my perch atop my elevated bed to assess the disaster inside our rolling home away from home.


What a mess…or maybe it was better organized now that it had been for a year or so? I was to shaken to really decide. Next thing I knew we pulled up at the front door of the Portage Animal Hospital (Michigan)….and I knew the unscheduled stop wasn’t for the Big Guy’s Benefit….he needed more help than these vets could offer. Therefore, it must have something to do with me?


I was feeling fine, had gotten over my anxiety bout in Canada a week or so earlier and so why this visit? Trusting as I am, I sauntered in, taking over the joint, and to my horror I was greeted by a wave of loving and caring ladies who wanted to share me among each other. I was swept off my feet squeezed, tickled, hugged, smooched and talked too like a new born human baby. I pleaded with the Big Guy for help by the idiot just smiled his Cheshire smile and encourage them to do whatever they had to do to make me well….I didn’t know I was sick. Since when do hiccups require this kind of fondling?


After an unceremonious weigh-in…their scales are off, I shook as I watched the backside (BIG) of the Big Guy head out the door. “I’ll be right back,” he assured me and then like a puff of smoke in a hurricane he was gone.


Next thing I knew I was on my back spread eagled like a Cabretto ready for the cooking rack in a Tijuana restaurant. Every inch of my underbelly was under examination. Not that I objected, but why? I heard Dr. Helmboldt, tell Dr. Lunney “we need to check his heart to see if he has an enlarged heart.” Of course I have an enlarged heart, I thought, I’m a dog and dog are born with enlarged hearts; don’t they love everyone?


Next a pair of warm and very gentle hands had me around the mid-section holding me close to the vest as I was carried; lovingly I must add, to the next room. Bright lights overhead and surrounded by a number of ladies, I was placed on a very cold metal table, (anyone ever consider installing a heater in those things, and helplessly watched as my foreleg was shaved, (where is that Big Guy when you need him) then a smiling assistant approached with a needle with an attached tube. When I awoke my mouth was sore and my mind was lost somewhere in a Bay of Fundy fog.


What had happened? Was I in another world? Dogs were barking, God awful cats were whining across from me while I tried to figure out what I had done to deserve this. The,this, was I had had my teeth cleaned.


Next thing I knew a delightful young lady approached with a Polaroid of the before and after shots of my teeth and mouth. Was that my mouth? Was it the same dog that had come in here a few hours earlier? Or, had they replaced my original teeth with a set of partials like the Big Guy, never wears…well almost never wears.


My new look must have been something special. Before the procedure the girls had held me at arm’s length from their face however, now I was being cuddled close to their face and they were kissing my runny nose and talking that awful human baby talk. Fortunately it was inflationary…my ego was taking it all in.


One of them let the “cat” why do we say that? Why can’t we say the dog out of the bag and looked me right in the eye and said, “Oh Jack you smell so good and your breath smells like the sweetness of morning dew on new mown hay.


WOW! Really, I thought. Maybe I should do this on a regular basis…..or better yet maybe the Big Guy should take better care of my teeth by brushing mine on a regular basis. In his case all he has to do is drop them into a Polident solution and extract them when he wants them and his job is done.  I, however, is a different story. If he takes care of me, like he should, I’d get to visit the ladies often for check-ups and more of the tender loving care I was getting with=out the sore mouth……right?


When the Big Guy arrived at closing time I was quite content to stay for a while longer and absorb more of the tender care and hugging I was getting. All I could say to my driver when he picked me up out of the arms of Florence Nightingale was eat your heart out!


Thanks ladies and the care givers at the Portage Animal Hospital. Hey dogs and cats reading this…don’t wait! Get your teeth brushed and cleaned and spare yourself any ill effects from the bacteria dirty teeth can cause and their related heart problems…which are serious.


For more information of how it’s done contact:







Bob Belliveau-Ferrin Lemieux
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